A Difficult Look into the Past, but Hope for the Future

Before I left, friends kept asking me why I was giving up my spring break to go on a service trip.  Some couldn't understand why I wasn't going to spend my week off from classes drunk on the beach.  The absolute last thing I have done coming to Guatemala is giving anything up.  We are only on Tuesday of our week, I have received more than I will ever be able to go.  

I have been in constant relfection since the first night we arrived at the mission.  During our first group reflection, we were asked to imagine our own funeral.  Who would speak at it? What would they say? Who all would come?  This got me looking into my past expereinces, both positive and negative.  For some reason, all I focused on were the years of my life where I fell short of being the individual I wanted and want to be.  I overlooked all the good I have done and all the positive influences I have made.  Instead, I focused on my first two years of college.  

During those two years, I became the type of girl I promised myself on move-in day that I wouldn't become.  I did what it took to make friends.  I changed everything I liked about myself to be liked by others.  I continued on a downward spiral until the near end of sophomore year.  I looked in the mirror one day and no longer recognized the girl looking back at me.  All the feelings I felt at this very moment came rushing back to me during reflection.

Being here though has made me realize that you can't focus on the negative; you can't focus on your shortcomings.  Everyone is human and every has made mistakes.  The people of Guatemala are so happy with having so little and this happiness and pure joy is contagious.  Being here is helping me forget my past and look into my future.

I am able to look into my future with hope and smile at all the potential I see.  I know that my past has made me the peson I am today and I am finally at peace with it.  Seeing all the volunteers and hearing about Father Greg and Father Stan has had a huge impact on the outlook of my future.  The people here make me want to do more with my life.  

Most people look at life and think of this order: school, job, marriage, kids.  However, I am young and have my whole life ahead of me to be a teacher and to teach children.  I want to be extraordinary.  I want to have an everlasting impact.  I want people to speak at my funeral and not have enough time to talk about all the good of done. I want to make an impact on this planet.  I have no idea what my future holds, but for once, I am not worried about it.  I know that God has a plan for me and that I am no longer the person I was once.  

Finally at peace,

Beth